Dear readers

Dear readers, today at McDonalds, I complain to my mom about the toys in the happy meal once again, adding that this is something "THE END CONSUMER" has already bitched about.


Mom, without missing a beat goes "the end consumer, what is that? I mean really? Is that a person ordering his own coffin?".

Yes, that is the real end consumer.

Ordering your own coffin is also a perfect metaphor for eating at McDonalds. Enjoy your happy meal!

-e

Dear Eurocard

Dear Eurocard, I finally went ahead and cut my card to pieces.
It felt so responsible, so grown up. And embarrassing as the action itself was such a humiliatingly acute reminder of my lack of self control.

Both the ridiculous act with scissors and the many memories of things I've bought that maybe I shouldn't have but damn it felt good at the time.

For three weeks I've lived without a credit card. It's been going fine. But then today, I called all my friends and family, asking for a money transfer to buy a pair of pants I can't really afford. My love for shopping has not been diminished one bit by the card cutting. I blame the Eurocard, letting me grow used to the notion that I could buy anything whenever. Even on maternity leave, I deserved nothing less than A.P.C shoes and champagne.

Now I wonder, as your end consumer, if you could somehow take your part of the responsibility and lend me some cash. Just 'til Monday, promise.
Thanks!
-e

PS. The way your card takes all trouble away in your new ad-campaign...all I can think is: cocaine.

End consumer undergoing product testing

Real hair and fake teeth checked.

Dear son

Dear son, I'm so happy parenting is finally paying off.
Like this morning when I asked for a hug, you said "sure thing, your highness".
That's all I ask for. A little TLC and a lot of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

And that perhaps you would consider not hitting your sister in the head with a saw.
-your mother and end consumer.

Dear Spårvägsmuseet 2

Dear Spårvägsmuseet, thanks for putting on yet another great exhibition. This time - uniforms and clothes worn by men and women employed to work with public transportation in Stockholm.

For those of you poor suckahs who haven't yet made it down to Söder, let me guide you through the highlights.

You get to fulfill lifelong dreams - photographing yourself in ancient garb while neglecting your kids, left behind in a stroller:



















You can see old footwear, up close:


















You get to catch a glimpse of authentic "benläder". I think they might be called short chaps in English. The sign in the museum tells the visitor that there was no good reason for a bus driver in the 20's to wear such things, but they did anyhow, just because they wanted to look modern and fashionable:




















A great day.
thank you!
-the end consumer

Dear Filippa K

Dear Filippa K,

I spent a lot of today and the rest of the week buying and then returning items from your stores. A retarded way of living my life, defensible only of one considers the fact that all shopping and returning was made with the help of public transportation and no animals were harmed during the exchanges.

At one point I had almost bought a sheer white blouse and DRY CLEAN ONLY gold silk pants. HA HA HA! I don't have the money to buy that! I don't have the self control to wear that! My kids won't leave me stainfree!

But I was so close to being the woman who would and could!
Then I returned my items to the store and paid for stuff I really needed. In this case: a very, very expensive ceramic tooth to fill the void left by an unfortunate olive in Spain.

poor greetings
-the end consumer

Dear readers

Dear readers, remember a while back when I tried to save money and ended up spending way too much on crap I don't need? This is the doll I bought.

Dear PoP

Dear PoP, thanks for making it a lot easier to dress pirates on an everyday basis.

-the end consumer

Dear park authorities of Stockholm

Dear Stockholm park people, is this gate really meant to keep kids inside the park? Do you think that simply because they are Swedish, they are so law abiding they will not opt for the freedom offered to the right?

You offer parents a false sense of security.
But what's worse is that you make yourself look like idiots.

-the end consumer

Dear cake makers of Lidingö

Dear cake makers of Lidingö, the size of your birthday cakes is verging on the ridiculous.
-a still hungry end consumer and mother of newly minted 3-year old

Dear undertakers

Dear undertakers, the other day I walked by your fine store/shop/whatever you call your office.

You'd obviously put some effort into your display window, comparing funerals of today and yesteryear.

Then:















Now:














I can't help but feeling us poor suckers of today are missing out.
Not even a violin player! Just a measly little CD.
What are you trying to tell us with this display?

I don't understand you, but I think I like you.
-your mere mortal end consumer

ps. Yes, you LTMJ readers with great memories, it's the same place.

Dear Willy's

Dear Willy's, I love your current billboard.
For those of you who are not fluent in Swedish, allow me to translate the message:

"Lovely spring! Now, it's so easy to forget...hamburger buns!"

I work as a copywriter and I tell you, that copy is...marvelous! It's enigmatic and enticing and nuts.

I'm launching a spring campaign of my own.


Spring - causing hamburger bun amnesia since God knows when. ©

Pharmaceutical companies, get on the case. Surely there's something you can do. It's serious!

-the end consumer

Dear car sales people

Dear car sales people, I need a car that seats 5, often more, that's environmentally friendly, is fast, safe and beautiful. And affordable. And enduring.

What car would you recommend?

-your end consumer

Dear secret force of the universe

Dear secret force of the universe, be it intelligent or just accident/chance or cause and effect, whatever you believe in, can we just agree that sometimes the best stuff in life is almost free, found in a veggie bag in your fridge.






































Thank you!
-e

Ps. Remember this?

Dear King of Sweden 2

Dear King of Sweden, I saw your youngest out on the town, shopping yesterday. Since today is your birthday, perhaps she was looking for something for you? When asking if she wants it wrapped, does she say "yes please, it's for my daddy" or "yes please, it's for the king"?

royally curious
-e

ps. congrats king!

dear baby

Dear baby, I love how you pretend to be at work, going over the files at your desk.
-the end consumer

Dear Carin Götblad

Dear Carin Götblad, I love how you admit to binge shopping guinea pigs!
Admit it, police commissioners of other cities, you don't hold a pet loving candle to our Carin!

-the end consumer

Dear King of Sweden

Dear King of Sweden, today I saw two men on a raft heading for your royal castle. They weren't very fast. Perhaps you saw them too?
It was surprisingly Huckleberry Finnish for an ordinary Wednesday in Stockholm.

love
-the end consumer

Nighttime conversation

You: Scratch my back, please. Pleaase!

Me: Sure.

scratch scratch scratch
losing focus.

You: What is this? Scratchus interruptus?

Breakfast conversation

Me: So rumor has is that Putin is leaving his wife for a 24-year old gymnast.

You: Yeah.

Me: Imagine how much fun they can have together - him a fit martial arts expert, her a limber snake woman. I feel sorry for his wife, though. And I'm a bit surprised, he always seemed so...in control. I'm taken aback by this sudden outburst of passion. I always thought of him as a robot.

You: Yeah. Horny robot.

--
Several news sources later reported that Putin denied all divorce rumors.

"Mr Putin said: "I have always reacted negatively to those who with their snotty noses and erotic fantasies prowl into others' lives."



-----
Am I one of them? A snotty nosed slutty consumer with erotic fantasies? Life the in suburbs just became a lot more interesting.

Spring has sprung

Attention Stockholm visitors!

Just came back from Millesgården, where they have a huge snail slide. Go there, for the best art/slide experience since that big hoopla at the Tate Modern. Millesgården has a great cafe but unfortunately seem to own only one cd. On the upside, that CD is Ella Fitzgerald.















Vanja was so fast, the camera had a hard time capturing her.














What could be better than watching your kids shoot out from a huge green snail?

Just asking.
-the end consumer

Attention Stockholm parents!

Stora maskiner! De kan KROSSA! Stå på första parkett med dina ungar när ståldinosaurierna river hus och små truckar kör undan grus och sten. Så mäktigt. Kungsbron, beyond Fashing, närmare Kungsholmssidan.

-slutkonsumenten

Household essential nr 2

Household essential nr 2
Pictures to remind you of the small but important victories in life.

Brought to you by Anna Åhlund.

Household essential nr 1

Yellow umbrellas lift spirits.

Overheard - that lucky bastard

Man 1: So I went out with John the other day, he's always so lucky with the ladies. We started talking to these girls. Of course he gets the one who's a lawyer, making extra cash as a model.

Man 2: And your girl?

Man 1: Dentist's assistant. She was nice and all but still. Fuck that John.

Overheard the other day - problem solving

Man 1:"So our neighbor had this female dog, a nice dog and they were all set to breed it with a special special he-dog, flown in from England. But the day before the dog leaves Heathrow, our dog jumps the maiden. What a scandal! They were all "this is gonna cost you!", with the dog plane ticket and all."

Man 2: "Really? If it was all that special, why didn't they put some panties on the bitch?"

Man 1: "Yeah I know. But then it turned out our dog had a pretty good pedigree so they didn't complain in the end. Who knew?"

Overheard in Stockholm

Young woman 1: So, have your feet gotten bigger yet? I hear they do when you're pregnant.

Young woman 2: Why is that? Is it to give you better balance with the belly?

The end consumer in Swedish

In Swedish, the end consumer is called slutkonsumenten. The slutty consumer.
Admit it, you love it.

-slutty

Kära internet

Kära internet, jag är så glad att du finns.
Det är siter som nyatorkarblad.se som gör livet så mycket enklare.

-slutkonsumenten