Sunday, April 24, 2016

4 months in


I keep waking up at dawn, thinking to myself "what a nightmare, I dreamed dad died".

Still can't believe it's really happened. I hope it never sinks in.

My life is currently lived in two tracks - one where dad will come back and one where he won't. I prefer first track, knowing full well that's not a reality. But it's my preferred reality. The other will win out by virtue of the actual reality. no rush.

8 comments:

  1. so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. i'm wishing you all the peace in the world.

    xo.

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  2. *HUG*.

    In my (very humble) opinion there is no way to deal with grief (or does it deal with us?) than to go right in. There is no way past it. Only after a very long time it doesn't hurt as much. Many, many years ago, someone in my family took his own life. When I think about him now, it still hurts. But mostly, I feel love.

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    Replies
    1. Oh honeybee, sending love and hugs your way too.

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  3. that picture can't just be from october. everything was so golden then. missing you.

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  4. It is from October. Everything was indeed so golden then. Iäm in nyc now, when are you back? I'll be here til may 5th

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    Replies
    1. back on saturday night. looking forward to giving you a big hug.

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  5. “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
    ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

    This made me think of you this morning. It captures what I was trying to say but more eloquently.

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I welcome any comment, so happy to hear from you.