Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dear movie lovers /dear Banksy, part 3.

another one you might want to shy away from if you're anything like me is the kiera knightley/sienna miller fest To the edge of love. I thought it would be worth it just to see the clothes, but the amount of construed girlish giggles paired with exagerrated witty jargon made me feel sick. 

banksy, did you like it?

dear movie lovers /dear Banksy, part 2.

Sometimes you have to wait for Bond to show up.  While we did, we watched MArgot at the wedding which I hated. I hated it so much that I quit watching it 5 minutes before the end and screamed "that's it, I'm never watching another movie again in which everyone is an unhappy mean creep". 

We had to watch Bond back to back to wash Margot out. 

In retrospect, Margot was like an SNL-sketch about American indies:
"Mom, I masturbated last night". 

NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!
the relief is endless

I wanted to watch Cranford like I said, and lost, but at least Judi Dench was in Quantum of Solace, bonnet-less, but still great. 

Bond-Margot 1-0.

I'm sure very few of you agree. 

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dear movie lovers /dear Banksy

We're having another vampire movie vs 19th century movie argument. Does this happen at your house?

This is what I'd like to have a guide for:
Vampire movies for people who love Jane Austen.


a recommendation of 19th century dramas for the very sceptical (male) viewer. perhaps written by someone like Banksy. someone anders would trust. I'm telling you Banksy, such a book would be such a hit. 

could anybody help us please?
seems like we're ending up with James Bond. A movie neither one of us have looked forward to watching. 

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Dear Christians

Dear Christians, though I'm not one of you, I have a creche. I like my creche. I bring it out every year.

This year, I also have a 1-year old who loves playing with the cast of Jesus birth. Her favorite is St John the baptist. She brings him around where ever she goes. Today, I found him dropped in the toilet. I'm sure that's not the kind of baptism he's used to.
John in the john.

hiding from Niki?

We had to boil St John to make sure he was clean and proper. Dear Christians, what is the biggest offence here, dropping him in the WC or boiling him?

curious greetings
-the heathen end consumer

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dear Santa

Is this how you feel about Christmas? I think most of us share your sentiment. 

conversation starter, the 3-year old way

The other day I listened to Joel try to break in to a conversation between two 7-year olds:
"Do you ever think about that snails...they have no arms?"

I'm going to try that at the next party I go to.

Dear naked chef

Dear naked chef, move over for halfclad baker. 

More stuff for rhymes

tack Ulrika!

Life with man

He has the strangest things.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Great for words!

What you see above is some of the things I've gotten in exchange for Christmas rhymes so far. 
Wine, parmesan cheese, gifts for my children and something called hyllpapper that I can not translate. How great is this? I love it!
money - who needs it?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Attention Christmas shoppers

Dear fellow Christmas shoppers, I heard you yesterday.

"so what are you getting him?"
"so far, only the two things he specifically said he wished for. so I must keep looking".

don't overdo it. getting people what they want is enough.

Dear family

It will be a different kind of Christmas this year. I don't have much money, so the gifts are of a different kind. 

The kids are getting various things I've traded for Christmas poems (see below). 
Other members of the family are getting red wine aquired in the same way. In the end, I made so much red wine I also traded a poem about a case of beer for a piece of Parmesan cheese. 

My gift for Anders was proof of my cheap nature. He's no longer much of a coffee drinker, but now prefers tea instead. A few years back, I bought a tea pot on eBay. No one else has ahd permission to use it, I would be so sad if it broke. But this year, it's Anders Christmas gift, given prematurely. He was so happy about it. So happy and humble. "Emi, I don't even have to own it, you know! Just give me the right to use it!"

He didn't return the favor by giving me something he bought years ago on eBay. Instead, he paid for the supreme winter hat I really wanted this year. 

Now all I want for Christmas is running gloves and a sleep-in. 
what are you wishing for?

-the end consumer

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

dear niki

Dear baby Niki, it's been exactly one year today since we first met. What a year it's been. I didn't know you at all. You didn't know me at all. It's such a love story, in a Vermeer palette. Thank you for making our lives a million times better. 

Dear winter

Thanks for bringing such coldness that we're enforced to wear flattering winter hats. 

Dear makers of puzzles

I know you probably think the picture side should be up, but you can't stop my child from upping the level of challenge. 

Dear kindergarten

Thanks for putting on a great lucia-show. 
My child kept looking out the window but I could hear him singing. 

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Dear people who read wish lists

Dear people who read wish lists, I've edited mine for Christmas. This morning, looking down on my feet, I realized all I want for Christmas is a huge leap of evolution. 

Sometimes you hear people say our descendants won't have pinkie toes. I say let's get rid of them now. Or at least mine. Some women remove their ribs because of vanity, my smallest toe might have to go. I will miss it and will be an 8-toed freak but so be it.

I know other people are wishing for peace on earth, an end to poverty, food for everyone,  no more female genital mutilation. I'm reaching for reasonable, humble things. I'm wishing for feet with less toes. 

now must go rhyme for wine. 

Monday, December 8, 2008

So little time - So many lies

I promised you so much and offered so little.
I'm just dealing with life. I'm writing Christmas poems in exchange for Christmas gifts.

Tell me what you need a poem for and what you'd offer in exchange. We might have a deal here.
Loyal readers might remember this as some kind of tradition, I used to do this over at LTMJ for free. NOT ANY MORE,  the rough times are here!

To sample what you might get: here's a poem reader Vinny received to go with a knee-length copper coloured jacket she'd bought for her sister Elizabeth.

Elizabeth darling, here’s a material kiss
A token of love from your bohemian sis
It may keep you warm, but who really cares
Important thing is, it will guarantee stares

I mean looks of that great kind that you already know
The kind you’ve grown used to – in sun and in snow
It’s made of a fabric in the (other) colour of money
I think you will like it, it’ll look great on you, honey

But since you’re a woman you might still be concerned
And since I’m one too, I have my lesson learned
This time, don’t you worry – it DOES make you look skinny
Big hugs, lots of kisses from your sister Vinny

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Dear baby Niki

Dear daughter, as you're turning 1, let me tell you a little about yourself. We named you Niki Sonja Simone. Niki after Niki de Saint Phalle, Sonja after Sonya Tolstoy (I don't know if your dad even knows this) and Simone after the numerous impressive Simones of the world. 

I want you to be carried by the strength of the women you were named after. You could be an artist like Niki, making fun of the macho art world by shooting your own paintings, prepared with paintfilled cavities. 

When you're older and we're having a picnic together with your kid and my mom, we'll go for this kind of bohemian garden conversation . What's most suprising with such an outing is that my mother would go for that kind of classic coiffure and pearl earrings. 

-your mother

Dear Edholm & Ullenius

Dear Edholm & Ullenius, I love your colorful posters. 

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Dear readers

Of all the posts I put up here, it seems you liked the Esther Williams post best. I love what the reader loves. Will post more clothes later today. Clothes for sale. Or just for ridicule!

Promise to comment. If you don't comment, I feel lonely. I say this in a passive agressive way. Do comment.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

Dear Finnish girl - my better half

Dear Finnish girl named Satu, I think you look like I would have at 17, had I not been unhappy in an unhappy haircut at that age.

People who know me, dont you think this lady is a younger, more beautiful, more Finnish version of me? Have you found your own better versions?

Sometimes I wonder if the birth of photography means we will find out that perhaps there's not an infinite number of looks, like DNA would suggest, but a finite number of appearances with minute differences.


ps. just got off the phone with my mom. She took a quick look at the blog and said "did you buy a new coat?" MY OWN MOTHER. Then again, mothers often see the best in us. At least my mom does. I hope you have the same kind. I hear there are other mom types out there.

Dear runners and everyone who thinks they should exercise but don't

Quit making excuses and come run with us over at runwithe.blogspot.com
Mail me if you want to participate in next challenge - first to 70 kms.

Participating will give you more energy and a stronger body.

Working from home

Is nice, but not very effective.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'm on a roll, somebody stop me!

I'm going all Oprah on you, screaming about things I love. Read more below. All consumer approved!

Dear Kiehls

Thanks for making a conditioner that makes what is ironically called "fine hair" feel and look just fine. I'm talking about the Olive Fruit Oil Nourishing Conditioner. Get it and stand in line with me to thank them.

Dear Wolford

Thanks for being there. For offering solace and support. And for selling what I refer to as my cheaper than surgery bra. And yes, that's me in that picture, stretching in the morning before I make oatmeal for my kids.

Stay ups are so -87, but I wear them and I think you can tell from this cool cool picture that I have an air of menthol. My hair is fried but my skin is GOLDEN.

Dear Sloggi

Despite your retarded "nicest ass"-campaign a few years back, I love you. Sloggi. I love your comfy styles and invisible silhuettes. Your somewhat new panties are great, if one can get over the cheesy flower decoration - but I've noticed that I've learned to love it as it helps me tell the front from the back. 

The matching bra is also a great buy. I don't think your underwear is heaven like you try to convince us end consumers with your cute/ridiculous ad, but they're good. The next best thing to going naked. And a whole lot better if you're out in public.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dear Loubotin lovers, arm yourself for grass & crack situations

Dear Loubotin Lovers, check out the new stiletto saver!
I can't help but thinking this is like something akin to adhesive rubber soles for chinese bound feet, but had I shelled out the money Loubotins cost, I would definitely pay a few bucks more to save them. Queen Bee writes:

"Discreet and easy to use, the SoleMates High Heeler™ attaches easily to most stiletto and kitten heels. By increasing the surface area on the base of the heel, it reduces the pressure on this area and prevents the heel from sinking into grass or falling into cracks!"

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dear Americans and fashion oriented people

Did you ever see Anna Wintour looking this warm and cuddly?
It must be the Pharell effect. Run! To the Sun!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

This one's for Vanja

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Dear Police museum

Thanks for being there. Thanks for displaying interesting artefacts such as the hair dye and make up belonging to the kidnapper in the famous norrmalmstorg drama (google Stockholm syndrome). My favorite display was that showing letters from men and women on how to solve the kidnap situation, (which lasted 6 days).

One lady suggested sending in 2-3 hypnotists. A gentleman wrote: let loose mosquitoes, injected with sedatives.

"Use really strong magnets to capture the kidnapper's guns " wrote another helpful woman, down with the laws of physics.

Above, see Niki crawling past nooses and make up.

I also really enjoyed your old skool interactive face description gadget.