Thursday, February 28, 2008

Dear Swedes

Dear Swedes, I recently took a trip up north.
You Northern souls are the weirdest!
We passed the oddest places.
Tandsjön. The lake of teeth. Take a dip, why don't you.

But my favourite spots were Ångersjön and Njutånger.
That's something I think you'd only find in our fair nation.

Ångersjön. The lake of regret. We've all found ourselves swimming in it.
But Njutånger, that one's a little harder to confess.

It translates to something like "Enjoy regrets". I think they mean it. It's not ironic.
They're being positive, seeing things from a different perspective up there.
Have regrets? Enjoy them!

I'm starting today.
-the end consumer

Dear Apple

Dear Apple, it was an ordinary day. The baby was asleep, I was ready to mail some friends. But the t-key wouldn't co-operate. I decided to investigate.

This is what I found:

How did this happen?
What is that lint stuff?
Computer elf pubes?
Did my cashmere dreams materialize inside my laptop?
This is how I had to spend my morning:

Am I the only one with this problem?
How do I avoid it?

-the end consumer

Ps. Egg & keyboard jokes not welcome. Or what the hell, jokes are always welcome.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dear Enzo Mari

Dear Enzo Mari, thanks for creating the apple of my eye! And the apple of my kitchen work space!

-the end consumer

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Dear Lonnie Bruner

Dear Lonnie Brunner, you ask me to tell you 3 things I learned the hard way.
That's so easy!

1. Don't mix food and work! That means: don't eat by the computer!

2. Don't tell your 2,5 year old to "stay where you are" and leave him next to a snow racer on the top of a ski slope!

3. Don't drink and carry Christmas trees!

Experienced greetings from the end consumer.

Dear Smosch

Dear Smosch, I love your handmade buttcrack characters.
How soft is a buttcrack in alpaca?

curious greetings from
-the end consumer

Monday, February 25, 2008

Dear De Cecco

Dear De Cecco,
why is there no label on your pasta about eating it somewhat naked?
It tastes so much better!

Full greetings
-the end consumer

Ps. No not all of these kids are mine, but sometimes I wish they were.

Dear Baby

Dear baby end consumer,
I hope your bout with the RS-virus is almost over. This isn't how I'd planned your 11th week. I'm sorry and will try to make it up to you.

Love from
-the end consumer

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Dear Hasbeens

Dear Hasbeens, are you the answer to my prayers?
Is this my future?

I pray, pray, pray it is.
Will return with report.

the end consumer

Dear United Nations

Dear UN, I have made a tribe of my own, the little Frosts.
They sound and look the same. I think they should count as a small nation/minority people.
How does one go about registering a new people? Do they apply for any kind of grants? Can we have a chair at your meetings?

-the end consumer

Dear Skeppsholmen Realtor

Dear Skeppsholmen Realtor,
do you really think it responsible to put out insanely pretty ancient hotel Duvedsgården for sale? Don't you understand what you do to Swedish moms who've read too many Agatha Christie novels?

You pretend like it's just your job to sell houses.
Then you give us a glimpse of a life that could be ours, as the proprietors of a little hotel.
We'd take care of business here:

I just opened the morning paper. I was prepared to read about famines, wars, environmental gloom and tax evasion. Never did it occur to me that I would become the next victim of realtor induced stress.

You break up homes, uproot children from their homes, make women make wild propositions to their spouses about a life in the North, far away from friends, family and international magazines.

Why do you do this?
Concerned greetings from
-the end consumer

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Dear man of the house

Dear man, you are away at a dinner party with your friends.
Your mom took care of our kids.
I walked for five hours.

When I say that I love and need you, I mean it.

My dinner consisted of 1 cherry yogurt and 12 meringues.
That's no way to treat a lady.
Even if it's the lady who's treating herself.

Happy Valentine's day
-the end consumer

Dear Lidingö tidning

Dear Lidingö Tidning, I love living where the action is.

Ps. Fuck Danderyd.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dear Acne

Dear Acne,
once upon a time, a long time ago, I saw the most perfect ankle boots on a pretty blonde (Susanne Dahlqvist if you need to know). I stalked her down and asked where she'd found them. They're Acne, she tells me.

I go to every Acne retailer in town and finally find a pair in my size. They're so hot, I'm drooling.

I pay and drag my prey home to my cave.
Unfortunately, my feet are the shape they are.
My life is challenged by this sad equation of shapes, flesh and bones.

I'm growing up. I realize it's not possible. I'm selling my babies.
And the reason I'm writing you about this is that I suggest you put a warning label on your shoe boxes: Caution! Content may cause lack of judgement. Not suitable for ladies with wide feet.

Here's my boot thinking about a bright future on the foot of another happy lady.

Greetings from
-the end consumer

Monday, February 11, 2008

Dear maker of cats

Dear cat maker, I like cats, but don't really trust them. It feels like this:

love from
the end consumer

Dear Nikon

Dear Nikon,
thank you for making such a great little product as my new friend.
enabling me to bear witness to what it's like to take a walk inside a Toast catalog, right in the heart of Stockholm.

The colors of this strange winter are rich and dignified.

The air was damp but fresh as I walked past my dream house, pushing my infant daughter in that black stroller.

She's small but very pleasant company.

We had lunch together.

love from
-the end consumer.

Friday, February 1, 2008

A great night for nothing

I thought I was going to start blogging in a great way, but am currently being held hostage by a tiny human, holding me down by the neck, pressing me against the back of our couch.

I was going to write about fashion and my lack there of. I was going to tell you how I'm not allowed to buy anything that doesn't look better the more you wear it. Anders tells me that means I'm doomed to wear nothing but denim and leather. Please tell me if you know other material that ages well.

I was going to sell my old clothes on eBay, but presenting them and their stories here first.

But I can't find my camera.

So all I can share is whatever pics I can snap with the built-in wonders of my mac.

like the one above. small bald baby not for sale. mother's clothes all up for grabs to the highest bidder.