Dear Aftonbladet

You know you live in one of the world's least significant countries when the breaking news of the leading newspaper reads: the new red wine - does not give you a hangover or cause blotchiness!

Dear costume party

We're ready.

Ready as in "can't get more ready than this."
Let tomorrow come!

Dear people who can't say no

Like Dorothy Parker once correctly noted, there are people who know 18 languages but can't say no in any of them. If you're one of those people you can buy a NO from me. I'm getting really good at saying no to all sorts of things. Especially on behalf of other people.

Just tell me your situation (emi@lovegun.net) and I'll craft a NO for you. My NOs are top quality and long lasting. I have several satisfied customers already.

In the future, I will charge a few bucks/NO, but right now I'm looking for pilot cases and might write you a rejection/declination for free.

Be it a job, a date, a marriage you are no longer interested in, I can help you pull out.

Say yes to NO!

-e

Ps. Yes, that's me teaching 10-month old Niki the power of NO. It's never too early to teach your kids to say no. (Though there are times, especially when they're around 3, when you wish they'd try a few yes's as well. )

Dear Museum of Childhood

Dear Museum of Childhood, I can't wait to visit! Meanwhile, thanks for the wonderful "What I wore" web feature!

New runner's delight

Starting new challenge today, come join us and run. It's fun!

Dear London readers

I'm about to go on a London trip with my 3 kids. Anders is going to the Finnish lodge. I'm so looking forward to London, but where to stay? Have limited budget, who doesn't.

Any suggestions?

love

-emi

Dear facebook

Dear facebook, what's so abusive with my blog about family life that you censor me?

I find this very strange. I had no problem chatting about www.perezhilton.com but this you censor?

Can you explain?

thank you!

Dear Swedish Nigella

Dear Lotta, thank you for a fantastic meal and great conversation. 

The end consumer was left wanting for nothing. 

That was not the case earlier in the day, when I lunched at a big department store in Stockholm. Halfway through the roast beef with potato salad, I discovered a hair in my food. A dark, curly, rather short hair. You want no kind of hairs in your food, but believe me, this is the kind you want the least. 

In disgust, I threw it away. Then looked at my plate and to my huge anger discovered I was still hungry and had lots of food left. Tarnished food. I was just about to complain when I realized the evidence was missing, somewhere on the floor. Surely, faced with the hair, the restaurant would make this up to me!

I had to climb down under the table, something I'm not proud of, but that's how determined I was. I was Elaine. I was Larry David. I was Lemon, all rolled into one desperate character looking for vindication. But that wasn't the only thing I was looking for. 

Crawling around on the floor, I had horrible thoughts of someone asking exactly what I was looking for and if they could perhaps help me in my search.

"Did you lose something?"

"Yes! Or I didn,t but you see I'm trying to find a rather short and curly hair, in fact I'm searching for a pubic hair. The chef's pubic hair to be exact. Please help me find it"

That, thank GOD, did not happen. 

In the end, my lunch date found the hair. I placed it,  in all its glory, on the white rim of my plate. Then went up to the counter and whispered, as to not crumble the place's reputation in one fell swoop: "There's a hair in my food...a...special kind of hair...". Nudge nudge. 

The lady at the counter looked at the food, but her reaction was not the shock I expected. She acted like this was the kind of thing that might happen every now and then. The chef and the bus boy acted similarily blase and offered me some new food. No apology. None.

I'm still surprised at this. Two women standing behind me were the only ones offering the kind of reaction I was looking for: "THAT'S SO GROSS! YOU ARE BEING WAY TOO KIND AND UNDERSTANDING". 

Indeed I was. I left hungry and in search for something great. 

When you've crawled around on the floor in search of someone else's pubic hair, no dignity is left. All you want is coffee on the house, a full lunch refund and perhaps a new face/ identity. 

I was offered neither. 

-the upset end consumer

Dear Whyred and dear readers

The model I wrote about in the Whyred post the other day is very healthy thank you very much and looks like this naturally. 

Relieved greetings from the end consumer, who was once incredibly slim too. In my case, however, it did not come naturally. 

Dear Anders

Dear Anders, you're in Sardinia. You take care of our meals at home. When you're goe I eat a whole lot of bananas and hard boiled eggs. How many bananas can you eat in a day without going overboard? I had 3 today, then stopped, only because it seemed a 4th banana might push me over the monkey edge.

I hate eating bananas in public, it's too private. But sometimes hunger forces me to. The other day I met an old colleague on the train.

I didn't see him until he was already staring at me and the banana. I was eating it like I do on the subway, breaking bits off to avoid the worst stares.

But no.
He still had to comment.

Him "That's a very sensual way to eat your banana"

Me "Oh fuck it. I knew you wouldn't just let me eat it."

There is no decent way to eat a banana.
--

What I'm trying to say here Anders is that I miss you and your cooking.
Also, we're out of bananas.

Dear genius

Dear genius, thanks for stopping by the office!

The end consumer is happy to present brand new nominee for the prestigious August-prize: SARAH SHEPPARD

Author, illustrator and creator of MASSOR AV DINOSAURIER.

The end consumer hopes that some of her brilliance will rub off, magically.

ps. All that AND she looks like veronica lake. I know. Life is not fair. Unless you're SARAH!

Dear mac d.

Thanks for bags instead of boxes and books instead of plastic toys.

Kära du som behöver säga nej

Hej, jag har idag bestämt mig för att öppna en institution som jag ansetts sakna i det svenska samhället.

Nejjouren.

Jag hjälper dig att säga nej. Till jobb, middagsbjudningar och tråkiga förslag. På ett artigt och trevligt men bestämt sätt. Frigör tid och slipp ditt dåliga samvete.
Jag kommer så småningom ta 20 kr/nejet. Men så här i introduktionsskedet får du som nejbehövande gratis nej-hjälp.
Skicka mig ditt Nej-behov till emi@lovegun.net så får ni hjälp per e-mail.

-e. guner, som säger ja till att säga nej. Dessa genialiska ord har jag lånat av Nille Svensson.

Ps. This message will follow in English. Eventually. I just need to take care of kids first.

Dear Goldilocks

Dear Goldilocks, remember that time when you sneaked into the bears house and sat on their chair, ate their porridge and went to bed in their beds? Did you use their computer as well?

-mama bear

Dear Stockholm toy museum 2.

Dear Stockholm Toy museum, are you sure your museum is for kids?
Some of the toys are so weird.
I'm posting this mainly to freak Anders out. He thinks old dolls are the scariest creatures on earth. More frightening than scorpions, spiders, snakes and Sarah Palin.

Dear Stockholm toy museum

Thankyou for answering that age old question "is there such a thing as too much love and kisses"?
I read the reply in this doll's face and I think "YES".

Then I think perhaps that doll was the savior of someones childhood, the bearer of secrets, the receiver of dreams, the comforter in times of need.
So what if one loses ones looks along the way.

Dear Rindö ferry commuters

Do you often travel with this fellow commuter?
Strange, safe and dignified at the same time.
Like a children's book come alive.

Dear maker of seasons

Ruben. SO cute.

I love fall most of all.
I think all seasons should be fall.
It's my favourite time of year.

I had a friend in college. Kate Gaultieri. She loved orange. She loved orange so much she wrote this poem:

I wish I was a leaf so I could turn orange and die.

The trees all make me think about her. Today was such a great day.

We all dressed nauseatingly apt for the season.















Vanja challenged gravity and gained happiness in return.



















Time for tricks.



















Joel had a new jacket.

Dear Thomas and Christina

Thanks for yet another lovely day.This picture was taken right as Oscar told us about the worlds shortest man, who's the same height as 10 month old Niki: about 74 cm. He Pingping, as he's called, likes life and enjoys himself by wrestling cats.

The look of anticipation

Joel on his way to see an exhibition on the world's most poisonous animals.

Dear super-readers

Yes! I now have one more fantastic reader blogging to me.
How lucky can one girl get?

First there was Koko.
Now there's also Lisa.

And d!

Feel free to start your own blog writing to me, wherever you are.
I love you all.

We'll have a convention somewhere next year.
This is important!
-emi

Product testing Spain, Portugal

Good: Jamon Serrano, fruit, sun, warmth.

Bad: Sand in mouth, eyes, ears.

Not so good: losing stuff every time we stopped the car.

Gas station 1: My cell phone

Gas station 2: My iPod

Gas station 3: My mind.

did not stop at any more gas stations, to make sure I would not lose camera too. will post pics later.

Run!

In Portugal still, but am starting new challenge over at runwithe.blogspot.com
come join!

if you don't have the nike+ equipment, just mail me your kilometers/miles.

love
-e

Portugal? Spain?

The end consumer and fam are travelling. If you are a reader in Spain or Portugal, please let us know what not to miss. Or if you're from anywhere but still have an opinion.

Ps. Yes for those of you interested in art/archeology/overweight women, that is indeed Venus of Willendorf in the background, with bathing suit and hat.