Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear King of Sweden 2

Dear King of Sweden, I saw your youngest out on the town, shopping yesterday. Since today is your birthday, perhaps she was looking for something for you? When asking if she wants it wrapped, does she say "yes please, it's for my daddy" or "yes please, it's for the king"?

royally curious

ps. congrats king!

Monday, April 28, 2008

dear baby

Dear baby, I love how you pretend to be at work, going over the files at your desk.
-the end consumer

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Dear Carin Götblad

Dear Carin Götblad, I love how you admit to binge shopping guinea pigs!
Admit it, police commissioners of other cities, you don't hold a pet loving candle to our Carin!

-the end consumer

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Dear King of Sweden

Dear King of Sweden, today I saw two men on a raft heading for your royal castle. They weren't very fast. Perhaps you saw them too?
It was surprisingly Huckleberry Finnish for an ordinary Wednesday in Stockholm.

-the end consumer

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Nighttime conversation

You: Scratch my back, please. Pleaase!

Me: Sure.

scratch scratch scratch
losing focus.

You: What is this? Scratchus interruptus?

Breakfast conversation

Me: So rumor has is that Putin is leaving his wife for a 24-year old gymnast.

You: Yeah.

Me: Imagine how much fun they can have together - him a fit martial arts expert, her a limber snake woman. I feel sorry for his wife, though. And I'm a bit surprised, he always seemed control. I'm taken aback by this sudden outburst of passion. I always thought of him as a robot.

You: Yeah. Horny robot.

Several news sources later reported that Putin denied all divorce rumors.

"Mr Putin said: "I have always reacted negatively to those who with their snotty noses and erotic fantasies prowl into others' lives."

Am I one of them? A snotty nosed slutty consumer with erotic fantasies? Life the in suburbs just became a lot more interesting.

Spring has sprung

Attention Stockholm visitors!

Just came back from Millesgården, where they have a huge snail slide. Go there, for the best art/slide experience since that big hoopla at the Tate Modern. Millesgården has a great cafe but unfortunately seem to own only one cd. On the upside, that CD is Ella Fitzgerald.

Vanja was so fast, the camera had a hard time capturing her.

What could be better than watching your kids shoot out from a huge green snail?
Just asking.
-the end consumer

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Attention Stockholm parents!

Stora maskiner! De kan KROSSA! Stå på första parkett med dina ungar när ståldinosaurierna river hus och små truckar kör undan grus och sten. Så mäktigt. Kungsbron, beyond Fashing, närmare Kungsholmssidan.


Household essential nr 2

Household essential nr 2
Pictures to remind you of the small but important victories in life.

Brought to you by Anna Åhlund.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Household essential nr 1

Yellow umbrellas lift spirits.

Overheard - that lucky bastard

Man 1: So I went out with John the other day, he's always so lucky with the ladies. We started talking to these girls. Of course he gets the one who's a lawyer, making extra cash as a model.

Man 2: And your girl?

Man 1: Dentist's assistant. She was nice and all but still. Fuck that John.

Overheard the other day - problem solving

Man 1:"So our neighbor had this female dog, a nice dog and they were all set to breed it with a special special he-dog, flown in from England. But the day before the dog leaves Heathrow, our dog jumps the maiden. What a scandal! They were all "this is gonna cost you!", with the dog plane ticket and all."

Man 2: "Really? If it was all that special, why didn't they put some panties on the bitch?"

Man 1: "Yeah I know. But then it turned out our dog had a pretty good pedigree so they didn't complain in the end. Who knew?"

Overheard in Stockholm

Young woman 1: So, have your feet gotten bigger yet? I hear they do when you're pregnant.

Young woman 2: Why is that? Is it to give you better balance with the belly?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The end consumer in Swedish

In Swedish, the end consumer is called slutkonsumenten. The slutty consumer.
Admit it, you love it.


Kära internet

Kära internet, jag är så glad att du finns.
Det är siter som som gör livet så mycket enklare.


Saturday, April 12, 2008

Two days in the life of the end consumer

On Fridays, I stay home with Joel. Or at least I keep him home from daycare. He helps me with my important job: product testing the world.

Interesting mom jeans at ACNE.

He can't afford it, but he likes it. Chances of my own grandkids being named Charles and Ray? Increased.

The reading section at the Tekniska museet was excellent.
(ps. nice ass, gramps.)

The half woman/half separator rides the cow. The weirdest thing the end consumer and assistant have seen since the child crawling out of egg debacle.

The next day we tried the wonderful Bokslukaren cafe/store and met up with friends.

After coffee, everyone wanted to go to the park, where our kids looked like they formed some kind of subversive group with members ranging from Santa Claus to the Unabomber.

But the view wasn't bad.

Friday, April 11, 2008

New species

Remember a few years back, when remnants of a tiny humanoid race was found in the island of Flores?

A similar discovery was made recently, when explorers found a group of tiny, orange muscled men wearing minimalistic loincloths, each marked with a number. They communicated with each other by saying "fitniss, fitniss" over and over. Sometimes they also said "reps" and "protein".

we at the end consumer think they're cute! we'd like to have one!

Thursday, April 10, 2008


Dear readers, how did you come here and why do you read this?
Every day I feel like quitting. I want thousands of readers or none.
I suffer from illusions of grandeur. Or I don't really suffer, I just have them.

But you, the 200 or so that stop by here every day, what do you want to read about? Where do you live, what do you do?

I don't know why I write here, I think I like the prospect of conserving my days and life.

You are my end consumers. what do you want?
-your king

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dear A.P.C

Dear A.P.C, if the camera adds 10 pounds, then how much does the girl you've chosen as an ideal wearer of your clothes weigh in real life?

-the end consumer

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Sexy headlines

When reading about recent forays into human/animal matchmaking on a cellular level, you know, like the cow/human experiments, I could only think about a joke I once read in The Bedside Playboy:

What do you get when you breed a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time just an onion with long ears, but every now and then a piece of ass that will make your eyes water.

Those ancient Babylonians beat the Brits to it. And as you can see it the top picture, they also threw a bird into the mix just to show off.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Before you get a tattoo

Try it on in your mirror.
You could also make your own perpetual rainbow view.
Maija is king.

-the end consumer

Spoiled shallow brat

The other day I wrote about a child crawling out from an egg-doll. There were people who wondered how I found that doll. I found it because when I'm really broke, I buy stuff I don't need.
I rarely buy things I don't need otherwise. I've analyzed this over and over and this is my conclusion:
It is to prove to myself that I'm not so broke that I can't buy things. In fact, I'm so not broke that I can even buy shit I don't even need!

I really mean this.
And that's why I bought a ceramic mug to hold my pens and a bisque kewpie doll.
I can not imagine two less necessary items.

Don't follow my example.
-the end consumer

Dear Bugaboo

Dear Bugaboo, this is the view I have of my baby when walking around town. you've mistakenly put a huge bar across your pricey but otherwise great stroller.

You should lower the height of the bar just a little. Then the view would be more like this:

I thought the problem was my own humble height - 1.66 cm, I mean 1.66 m, but my 1.83 m dad had the same experience.

I apologize to readers who find this post boring.
But after all, this is a blog from the consumer's perspective.
And when you too have a baby in a Bugaboo, you'll thank me. They will have lowered the bar.

-the end consumer

Dear Meringue makers of the world

Dear Meringue makers of the world, how is one supposed to eat this with one's dignity intact?
-the end consumer

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Dear Mini Rodini

Dear Mini Rodini, I want everything in your store.
For myself. Would you consider making adult sizes too?
You could call it Meanie Rodini, for all individuals who are in the 6+ age bracket.
Thank you!

-the end consumer

Dear seller of vintage dolls

Dear seller of vintage dolls, this piece is so weird and your description is so accurate.
I hope you find someone willing to fork over the 245 bucks you're asking for.

love from
-the end consumer

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Dear Apple II

Dear Apple, thanks for making one of the greatest inventions in parent history!
As a modern, computer loving woman and mother, I salute you for the ingenious rear view computer mirror, enabling me to type with my baby on my lap.

Using Photo Booth, I can see Niki's face while holding her with her back to me.
so great!

It may well be the greatest unforeseen product benefit since mobile texting. or green M&Ms.

-the end consumer