THANK YOU HEL-LOOKS

THANK YOU FOR COLOR AND THE JOY YOU BRING!

Känslan utan kostnaden

http://nk.se/images/nkRadio2/external/nkMusicPlayer.html?language=se

On the way home from gymnastics

Met a curious frog.

Sister and brother

These kids make me MELT.

No thanks, John Legend

These lyrics from "Save room" really bug me: 

This just might hurt a littleLove hurts sometimes when you do it rightDon't be afraid of a little bit of painPleasure is on the other side

Seriously, isn't this something a man says to a woman when it won't hurt at all for him?Well.
I say:
NO THANKS

Hon är tillbaka!

Maria Lindroos saknade blogg är tillbaka. 
Even if you don't read English, you'll enjoy the pictures.

BLOGGING OVER HERE TOO

You'll find me here, too. -->https://www.wonderwall.se/blog/

Things a freelancer might have trouble remembering

What time it is.
What day it is.
What season it is.
What year it is.

Speaking from experience which the above seems to be saying I must be missing.

Classic (better than I've ever been)

Today, found this important secret message in the video:

PANDA CAM!!!

Thanks to friendly reader Sara, I have the pleasure of introducing you to the panda-cam!
http://www.sandiegozoo.org/pandacam/

Ps. And yes, I fully agree that captive animals is really really sad and let's all work for the cause of the pandas and their right to live peacefully in their natural habitat, but damn are those pandas cute or what? Can't help thinking that the panda mother and her cub are really me and Niki, just cuter, softer and cuddlier.

Mary J was so ahead of the curve with the gangnam style.

Open letter to Kanye West

Dear Kanye, I would just like to ask you to do a re-mix/ reconsideration of Mercy?
It's so great to run to, but only for a very brief period of the song.

Starting at 3.14 it's perfect for running but then you switch tempo at 4.09 and it really fucks up a girls jog. (This skinny minute -55 seconds- is also the only music I liked on the Cruel summer album)

Please make a longer more running-friendly track.
Thank you, that would be all.

Greetings from your friend, Swedish suburban mom E.Guner.

Like I told you before...

...have had to cut down on spending to fix a tax debt.

This is what I've learned from this experience:

Weirdly, the less you shop the less you think you need. I'm not saying poor people don't have material wishes (shoot me if I ever say something that stupid).

I'm saying that if you've always been kind of well off - you don't need more stuff. You just don't.
Look around you in your house or apartment and consider this: all this crap stuff, you paid for it. Was it worth it? Really?

The more you shop, the more you want. New season, new clothes? Why? It's ridiculous.

That said, I'm happy for all the

Books
&
Good clothes (you know the kind)

I bought when I had that option.

going to bed with harriet vane now.

Riktigt jobb

Jobbar tillfälligt på riktig arbetsplats. Försökte häromdagen definiera vad som skapar känslan riktig arbetsplats. Kom fram till följande, som en riktig arbetsplats har:

• Reception, som alltid kallas repan.
• Gemensamt lunchrum
• Anonym kontorskonst som ingen ser
• Riktiga, ofta ergonomiska kontorsmöbler
• Ordentlig belysning 
• Fungerande glödlampor i armaturerna
• Ljuddämpande grejer i tex tak
• Obegripligt många sladdar och korgar med kablar som inget vet vart de hör
• Fruktkorg, med naket spretande vindruvegrenar (äpplena är alltid kvar sist)

Men det absolut viktigaste för att skapa känslan av RIKTIG ARBETSPLATS är förnumstiga lappar precis överallt. Där jag för tillfället jobbar uppmanas jag att:

• Tvätta händerna 
• Tvätta händerna - särskilt i influensatider!!!!
• <
• Släcka lampan!
• Skölja av tallriken!
• Stänga dörren!
• Tänka på träden innan jag skriver ut!
• Ta en frukt!

Funderar ibland på att sätta ihop ett lappkit och sälja till frilansare som mig själv, så vi kan få den där RIKTIGT JOBB-känslan på våra egna kontor. 

På det här jobbet där jag är finns ett meditationsrum/vilorum med soffa OCH LÅS. Utanför rummet sitter en liten skylt där det står ANDRUM. Att inte en enda anställd klottrat lite lite för att ändra till Ändrum gör mig orolig. Det känns inte normalt. Kanske är detta ändå inte en RIKTIG ARBETSPLATS?

B-days

If you read this, you know that it was my birthday just two or three weeks ago. As is customary, I was congratulated more than once on that social media hangout Facebook.

Anders took a look at the congratulations and this is what happened next:

Anders: You know, all these years, no one has ever congratulated me on facebook.

Me: You can not be serious. You simply can not be serious. Even...even dogs get congratulated on FB.

Anders: Am serious. My birthday is in the middle of the summer. Perhaps everyone has checked out, not just from their jobs but from facebook too.

Me: No. People never do.

Anders: Well, it just hasn't happened.

Me: I can't believe it.

Anders: Believe it.

>>secretely opening my laptop<<

Anders: What, are you gonna check that what I'm telling you is true?

Me: Maybe.

Anders: Go ahead. Go right ahead. No congratulations.

Me: No. Zero...but you know what? You haven't entered your date of birth.

Anders: Do I have to?

Me: Only if you want to give people a chance to know when your birthday is!

Web statistics

Here's an image of the search words that lead people to this blog. I would like to point out that this is THE ONLY BLOG IN THE WORLD where "parental advisory" ranks higher than emi guner Mariah Carey's boobs and Salma Hayek's ass.

Stay hip!

Wedding band wisdom

Last week, I was making scones (=perfect Sunday mother) and as I did, I removed my wedding band and placed it on the kitchen counter to make sure I didn't get it covered in dough and flour. Well, Niki found it and then it was suddenly GONE. She had no clue as to the ring's whereabouts. I searched all over the kitchen, with increasing anxiety until I finally found it inside the dishwasher.

I want to help you and me from losing things and when I say things I mean rings. It doesn't have to be wedding bands, just rings you love.

I found the perfect place to keep them while you cook, so you don't have to worry about dough or any other food related issue. Place your ring on top of your tabasco bottle. It will fit perfectly and stay there patiently while you cook or bake. It might also remind you that hotness is still close at hand.

You're welcome.

Hotel office

Ce soir, working from here.

Scandinavian running for foreigners

Someone, I think Reen, asked for a brief description of what you need for running in the Scandinavian weather (autumn/winter)... 

She said "The clothes, the shoes... It's getting colder here everyday (for me at least since I just came to Norway from Asia and so used to having sun all year round".

Well, for basic fall/early winter/spring running You'll need long tights, real running socks, a running shirt and an extra outer layer. A running hat is a great idea and gloves. Many people swear by the Icebug shoes when snow and ice make running slippery and tricky. 

As it gets really cold (I've been running in temperatures down to -17C), you need more clothes but perhaps not as much as you'd think. A buttwarmer is a great idea as are fleece lined running tights.  

• underwear and sportsbra
• buttwarmers
• socks
• fleecelined tights
• icebreaker merino underlayer
• windbreaker
• hat
• gloves
• kid neckwarmer

Here's another pic of the absurd number of things I sometimes have to put on when going for a run in cold weather. Most people don't bother. They run inside on the gym treadmills instead.

I really want to stress the importance of running during the winter in Scandinavia. If you don't the cold, cold, dark, dark, wet, wet winter will suck the life out of you. You'll wake up in the dark and go to bed in the dark. You will start saying things like "allt är så jobbigt nu". 

But if you keep running, your friends adrenaline and endorphine will help you through winter and make you see the beauty that's all around you. 

IT IS SO WORTH PUTTING ON EXTRA CLOTHING AND GETTING OUT FOR THAT HALF-HOUR. It's often the difference between gloom and glory. Keep running. This is the feeling winter running may reward you with:

Äntligen

http://nojesguiden.se/johannaswanberg
som jag väntat.

Poltergeist nation

When I was little there was a horror flick about a girl who got trapped INSIDE A TV!!!!
(sounds kinda awesome, no?)
These days, who's not trapped in a screen of some kind?
does it scare you?

Älskar detta mail från min mamma

Bisfenolhalten i mina föräldrars dominerande föda - Bullens pilsnerkorv- är tyvärr through the roof (om än inte lika through the roof som Santa Marias Kokosnötsmjölk).

Var tvungen att berätta detta för mammi.

Fick följande svar:

"Jag såg också i tidningen nu att Bullens är illa ute."

Kan inte sluta skratta åt hennes dystra konstaterande.

Om ni inte skrattar åt det kanske ni skrattar åt den här bilden? Jag älskar "konstnärliga" bilder.
varför får kalle inte komma in? varför måste han stå där, utanför?

the answer, my friend...

In my dreams he's singing:

Hey, I can be the answer
I’m ready to dance when the vamp up
And when I hit that dip, get your camera
You could see I been that bitch since the Pamper
And that I am that young sis, the beacon
The bitch who wants to compete and
I could freak a 'fit, that pump with the peep and
You know what your bitch become when her weave in

Anders returned from New York

He brought me a raspberry red patagonia down jacket as a late birthday gift.

So grateful. I really needed a warm jacket this winter. 

I've got my love to keep me warm. 

I love this about Sweden

At my local library, you can check out walking poles with your library card so you can get down with your Nordic Walking.

I really love my library. Body and soul.

Längtan

Saturday night at home dancing with John Legend

Everything was so great until Niki started hitting me over the head with a potato masher. VANJA OCH NIKI: skickar meddelande till er i framtiden när ni googlar er själva: kärleken!
Joel också men han sover över hos en kompis så dansar inte med oss ikväll.

Next up: putting niki to bed, watch gilmore girls with vanja.
In the words of Nas: LIFE IS GOOD.

NEW VERSION TO TAKE AWAY AWKARD LEFT-OUT HIGHSCHOOLISH FEELINGS!

Everything was so great until Niki started hitting me over the head with a potato masher.
VANJA AND NIKI: here's a message to you when you google yourself in the future: THE LOVE!!!!!
Joel too, but he's at a sleepover so he's not dancing with us tonight.


Next up: putting niki to bed, watch gilmore girls with vanja.
In the words of Nas: LIFE IS GOOD.


ps. did you hate highschool? I liked high school. does that mean I was one of the mean girls?
i just like school in general. I consider it one of my superpowers.

On running with John Legend

Went running with John "I can't help it, I have to write another song about men who cheat" Legend today and it was awesome. The music is so great but the lyrics? Why are so many about two-timing?

Best of all though was Kanye's stint on Number One:

I suppose you was told by them hoes I was cheatin'
Thinkin' my heart don't got nothing to do with my penis
He got a mind of his own and he just be seeing shit
And I don't wanna cheat but I don't be saying shit
I try to jack off he ask me who is you playin' wit?
But I know he love you he told me you was his favorite

A man and his penis having a discussion, it's touching in a way (I try to jack off and am interrupted by my inquisitive penis, so annoying)  but in so many other ways NO.

I try to imagine having this conversation with a man I love:

Me: I know you're cheating on me!

Him: Well, yes baby, but I had a talk with my penis and he said you were his favorite!


MY PENIS TOLD ME YOU WAS HIS FAVORITE!

WOMEN IF THIS EVER HAPPENS TO YOU:


RUN!!! RUN!!! RUN!!! (If you like, run run run to the tunes of John Legend)

I'm dreaming of women singing
"My heart's got nothing to do with my va-jay-jay."
The day when women will get to sing lines like this will be a DAY I CHERISH.
The day when there's a real synonym for male hoe will be a DAY I CHERISH.
Or rather, the day when the word hoe is not used anymore will be a DAY I CHERISH.

Not fair

Stumble across a pic like this and immediately go "How can a person look this gorgeous? We in the regular world would like to know."

But we all know it takes at least a hair person, a makeup person, a lighting person, a stylist, a photographer,  photographer's assistant and a set person for every image like this. And yes, a person with the looks of Marion. And even so, for each pic like this, the photographer will have discarded tons of shots that didn't turn out so well despite ideal conditions.

So what does it look like if you just take one gorgeous person and a photographer?

Minnie Riperton singing.

For every superstyled beautiful pic that makes you sigh "but I could never look like that", try to see that real life is sometimes, often, just as beautiful, just in a different way.

Real world. at home:

Life goal: to make her, her sister and brother feel great about themselves. At my own age, am back to being happy about being me the way a kid often is. Why do most of us have to make such detours - hating our bodies, mocking ourselves? Is it by unfair comparisons to images like the one above? Why even make comparisons, why can't the two co-exist? There are beautiful images of different types in the world, don't turn it into immediate calls to action for some personal makeover program.

Your body isn't something that needs change or work. Your body is you.
I like to work this body, but that's a whole different matter. Make peace with your body. Treat it well.

And if you see a pic of a gorgeous woman in white, smiling, for unknown reasons opening an eggshaped object, take the chance to have fun with it yourself instead of beating yourself up for not being Marion Cottilard. There's only one Marion, but there's only one of you too, thank god.

COMMENTING IS EASY NOW

don't tell the spammers but I've removed the word verification so if you never comment because it's such a hassle, it might not be so hassleous after all.

If you quit commenting because you commented once or more and never received a reply, I apologize. I read every comment and love love love them. I just don't get around to reply all the time and that's all my fault.

One reader pointed out to me that I was a really sloppy replier once and that was the beginning of a friendship. Jennie, love you.

New running music

September is so awesome, my favorite month of all. I love the fresh air, vibrant colors, the joy of simply being alive.

Today have been listening to John Legend most of the day. So I put together a running list with just songs of his.

Here it is if you want to delight in fall with John as you run.

If you do, tell me how you liked it!

september run

For those of you who don't have Spotify:

Today's song

Out now in stores!

http://www.amazon.com/If-I-Were-Your-Wife/dp/1780091524

Ok, so finally you can buy this great cookbook in English, translated by me. I'm not big on cooking, but these recipes make cooking seem feasible, perhaps even enjoyable.

The author, Lotta is my friend since many years back. She is hilarious, smart and original and thorough.

Ps. Why is there a link up there, you wonder? So that you can copy paste with ease when you tell your friends to buy this, too. 

Morning

We live in what I believe you Anglos call a SEMI DETACHED house.
we have two small strips of garden, one in front, one in the back.

I sometimes wish we lived in the city but mostly am happy where we are.
Except...
on mornings like today, when I had to tell my son 11 times (I counted) to put on socks.

This priority seemed ridiculous to him. He wandered off each time I told him to put on socks and then changed his plans and decided to read comic books instead.

The eleventh time I spoke with the terrible voice of the scary villain in any given monster saga

"puuuuut on your socks!!!!"

he cried. I was very angry.

and I wondered why we didn't live in a house house so I wouldn't have to worry about neighbors calling the police about extreme sock shouting from our side of the wall. sadly didn't worry about upset child as he had it coming.

once joel finally wore socks, niki walked up to me and said, like she was a 50 year old sinister accountant:

"Mother, in the midst of this stressful situation, you have forgotten that it's very important that I bring a branch of a tree with me to daycare. "

she said branch, received a twig.

will sit down with joel today to make a schedule of things you need to do in the morning. read comics might be on that list. last checkpoint though.

Hjälp mig!

Jag jobbar på Coop i några veckor och har som vanligt gått helt upp i det företag jag jobbar för. Om du har någon fråga om återbäringen - fråga mig, jag är helt övermänskligt insatt i de olika nivåerna. Jag kan även svara på skillnaderna mellan cooponline.se och matkassen och vad som skiljer de olika Coop MedMera-korten. Ändå är jag långt ifrån fullärd. Runt omkring mig har jag folk som har svart bälte i Coopologi.

Så här står det på lådan som man får maten till matkassen i. Jag älskar det! Har det varit ett problem att folk inte kan bärga sig, de måste öppna sina lådor, gräva runt och känna på råvarorna?

På Coop har de en mätare där man ser hur många som är inne på coop.se.

Du kan vinka till mig genom att klicka här, då ser jag att besökare kommit dit från min blogg. Det vore så kul! Gör det snälla.

Not really agreeing

Can you do the Britney? Do they Britface!

2 days in New York

REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS!
CHRIS ROCK WITH JULIE DELPY*S DAD

ps. is this the most unlikely pr-shot ever? WORKED FOR ME THOUGH!!!

Color theme

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively just got married with a little help from Martha Stewart. Most amazing of all was that the newlywed couple paid homage to Martha by fake tanning their way to an exact match of Martha's blouse.

well done, young people.

ps. nice knockers, martha.

En bra och viktig text för dig som kan läsa svenska

UH. 

I really love my...

running skirt!

The one I run in has built in shorts.
I so love this running skirt.
Have had it for a year or two.
If you run, get one.

treated like shit - ps to men and apologies

Only one person who later apologized did actually treat me like shit. Post apology he proceeded to try to seduce me all over again and I got to say it people, I got to say EAT YOUR HEART OUT and I know revenge shouldn't be sweet, but damn it felt so wonderful it still makes me smile just thinking about it. 

When they've been about 2, my kids have all insisted I should read a particular book to them about a mean monster in the forest. They bring out this book and go "boo!!!" And urge me to read it. They want the thrill of fear. 

I used to love being scared by that book too, when I was about 2 (it was first published in 1910). And one day I realized that this former crush - he kind of looked like this monster. I now think that perhaps what I saw in him might have been the strong thrill of fear from toddlerhood? I simply mistook it for love - the volume of the feeling was so loud.

did this ever happen to you?

On b-days and gifts

My birthday is today. September 7. I love love love this day. September 7 is often a sunny and warm day. Everyone is back from vacation, but they're not all that stressed out yet. Fall is just approaching. There's a faint smell of apples in the air. It's never too hot or too cold. The day is long and filled with light.

This is what I'm wishing for:

A new bottle of Balenciaga Paris.

A new pair of running shoes.

Also: Peace on earth, end of starvation, end of genital mutilation, loving homes for all children, understanding IRS-people, equal rights for all, ability to travel through time, a cure for cancer, life after death, comfy high-heeled shoes, success and lots of free time and money. That would be all, for now.

Representing...Tulsa?

Where are you as you read this? Countryside? City? On a boat?

So curious.

Ps. Have changed comments setting to make replying real easy.

Ps 2. For how long have you been with me? Since Marc?

WILL RUN TO THIS TOO

That's promising a lot

I was immediately attracted to these pantyhose, simply because of their anxiety suppressing name NO RISK. They're Italian and fancy. NO RISK. I'll be wearing them every time I feel anxious about...anything.

GET OUT RUNNING

Seriously people, how could you stand still with this music playing in your ears?
I'm temping at a new office and I should probably refrain from dancing in my chair, but I can't cause I love this music so much!!!


Running playlist

I created this one for regular runs. It starts out softly with Curtis Mayfield buttering you up with his I'm the one who loves you. Pamper yourself with his loving assurance.

Then Alicia Keys picks up with her high school dream song Teenage Love Affair which is so awesome you forget all about the zits, mean friends, broken hearts, weird diets, existential angst and all the other upsetting stuff that otherwise make you're glad that those days are over. I listen to this and suddenly remember my boyfriend in high school and how we kissed on the top floor of the school and I thought to myself "life is finally beginning to happen to me, too!!!"

Next up, Frank Ocean gets Lost with you. Your feet step along with the beat while your lips mumble "Got on my buttercream silk shirt- and it's Versace!". You can't help but smiling. Trot trot.

Now you're all warmed up and hopefully happy. Alicia Keys bowls you over with her passionate Wreckless Love. Wave after wave of delicious music. Fellow runners might be surprised at you because you're likely to be running and singing, loudly

So baby let’s go, have that wreckless love, that crazy loveThat I don’t really care we can have it anywhere kind of loveThat wreckless love

Then Nas sings Cherry Wine with Amy Winehouse though she's dead and I love you Nas, Amy, cherries and wine.

After that, swoon, here comes all time charmer Andre 3000 and he's ready to go right now with John Legend because they've got Green light. You're running and laughing at the d-bag lyrics "do I have a girlfriend? technically no".

Then another dead, wonderful individual wants to sing for you - ODB with Got your money, backed by Kelis.

Then another oldie which seems cheesy at first but have you ran to Let me blow your mind with Eve & Gwen Stefani? It's so great to run to. Your feet will love it.

Then Nas and Kelis sing "Let's make out in public" and how great it would be if they still got along.

You're almost there and finish your run in triumph with Jay-Z and Alicia Keys with their majestic Empire State of Mind. 

Time to stretch out all those hardworking muscles. Alicia sings for you as you stretch and tone. She's asking Where do we go from here? You think to yourself, ANYWHERE BABY, I CAN GO ANYWHERE AND DO ANYTHING.

Now your run is over, you shower and open a beer and let the endorphins marinate you in joy. nYou think to yourself "it feels like cheating that working out should be this enjoyable".

You can do it today. What's stopping you?


----
Want to run in the morning? I've put together another somewhat softer list for tender morning moods before you're fully awake.

morning run

If you're not feeling like running at all, but would rather hang out on a beach in Jamaica, go running with Bob Marley instead.
springa med bob

Short survey

How old were you when you had your first crush? I think I was around 2. He was 3 and had copper red hair. I had never seen anything so gorgeous. The way it looked in sunlight. Magic!

So - your age? The object of your affection? Who was she/he?

Open question to men and to people who've met men

Over the past years, ancient flames of mine have apologized for "not treating you well enough, Emi".
This has not happened once, not even twice, but 3 or 4 times?

And each time I have had to respond with the truth: "Did you treat me bad? I didn't notice? I thought you were fine."

Is this late apology the male equivalent of "Do I look fat in this"? A question that has only one right answer, one that is boosting the ego of the one posing the question?

Or was I being maltreated and really didn't realize it?

You tell me, people.

This is me back in the olden days. I'm wearing a NASA sweatshirt while handling a drill with no drill head? Is such a person smart or stupid?
Could you treat her bad without her noticing?
I really don't know.
But if so, did it hurt her?
Perhaps not?
But why would you?

like mother like daughter

people often say we look alike. Is this what they mean?

THE WEEKEND

Vanja and her youngest cousin Måns
and a new photo booth filter. 

have spent the weekend with kids.
friday 5 of them, rest of the weekend 4.
have also been tidying up non-stop.
and laughed.

and screamed.
an ordinary weekend.

also overheard my son and his friend discuss the rules of their new broccoli-shooting game. with the help of a fork and a swift hand, they catapulted a small piece of broccoli around the room.

"2 points if you hit the tub of butter!"
"3 points if you hit the window"
"5 points if you hit mom!"
"10 points if you hit your mom's glasses!"

at this the mom added "15 if you hit moms open mouth so she can eat the wonderful veggie."

Joel has always been fond of greens.
Here's proof.