Dad

a while ago

Growing up, I started having depressive periods from about age 12. Real gloom, existential angst, terrors that could only be lightened by intense exercise, a body in motion, loving people holding me tight, telling me everything would be all right and meaning it.

In college, thousands of miles away from my family, I kept having bouts of severe sadness. In those days before e-mail, I'd fax letters to my family. 

I remember one fax I got in return from my dad. 

He said (roughly translated): 

"It seems you have an artist's soul, so your mood swings swing a little wider. "

Such a calming effect, those words. Nothing to fear. Not worse or better than anyone else. Just wider swings. Not even sure if I have an artist's soul or just an artist's mood swings.  I've learned to live with it. I keep walking through the sadness until it lifts and becomes manageable.

It's one of the reasons I can't stand tight skirts or high heels. I need to be able to walk it off, whenever it comes over me.

this spring